We’re always looking for ways to optimise our health and happiness, and hidden in plain sight is possibly one of life’s most powerful Biohacks – friendship. Why? Because the benefits are both profound and scientifically supported.
Research, including a notable study from PLOS Medicine, shows that people with strong social ties have up to a 50% greater chance of living longer. Friends help us handle stress, fight depression and even lessen the chances of addiction. In other words, good friends influence us to lead healthier, more balanced lives.
Simon Sinek offers a great perspective. In a discussion with Steven Bartlett, he talks about how there are courses and training for many things. You can learn to be a good leader or an effective speaker for example. But, there’s no training on how to be a good friend!
Do we even know what a good friend is or what it should be?
Bartlett mentions that the most common question he hears from young audiences is, “How do I make friends?” The digitally connected younger generation craves connection but seems ill-equipped to make it happen.
Friendships do more than keep us company. They engage and challenge us, pushing us to grow and evolve. Friends are partners in solving life’s puzzles and our confidantes in a crisis. These interactions are not just pleasant diversions. They are essential elements that improve our psychological resilience and emotional depth.
Simon Sinek, in his discussions, highlights an often overlooked aspect of friendship: service. Engaging in friendships isn’t only about what we receive. It is also about what we contribute. This trade boosts our sense of purpose and belonging. These are key to our satisfaction and stability.
He tells a great story that exemplifies this. It’s about one of his close friends who was struggling with things. He agreed to spend an hour with her each week to help her unpack her thoughts. So they did, every Wednesday for 90 mins. He’d give advice, she’d be energised and feel great and inspired for 2 days, and then went back into a slump. This pattern would repeat the following week. An infinite loop that wasn’t helping.
Then he had a thought inspired by the 12th step of the AA programme – helping someone out to help yourself. Acts of service. So he asked if he could split their weekly session time into 45 mins for him and 45 mins for her. But what happened was they ended up talking about him for the full 90 mins… for 3 sessions. In 3 weeks she was back on track. She got real benefit from being of service to him and that act of service helped her to solve her own challenges.
This story brings to mind an intriguing quote by Richard Bach: “We teach best what we most need to learn.”
The 80/20 Friendship Principle
The 80/20 principle, discussed by Richard Koch, says that 80% of our joy and support comes from only 20% of our friendships. This intriguing insight suggests that we have many acquaintances. But, it’s a few close relationships that give the most benefits. These are the friends who cheer us on, lift us up when we’re down, and with whom we share our deepest thoughts. They are our emotional core and, as it turns out, that major contributor to our longevity and mental health.
Digital interactions are taking over our lives, and it’s causing a huge deficit in genuine human connection. It’s likely a reason why Gen Z and young Millennials find making friends so difficult. Maintaining genuine friendships requires conscious effort. It’s about quality over quantity, a sentiment echoed in the 80/20 rule of friendships.
We need to create a culture of caring more and prioritising meaningful interactions. It’s easy to send a quick text to tick a box, but a phone call is more meaningful. Taking a walk together or enjoying an in-person coffee are the types of shared experiences that strengthen bonds and amplify their benefits.
Seeing friendships as more than just social niceties could be transformative.
Friendships enrich our lives in ways that no other aspect of our existence can. That’s why friendship is looking like one of life’s top biohacks!
Perhaps it’s time to care more about investing as much into our friendships as we do in other aspects of our personal growth…